This morning I watched the news shows replay the twelve year old video clips of planes flying into the World Trade towers and the Pentagon. The broadcasters also reminded us of the attack in Benghazi one year ago where four more died at the hands of terrorists. These are branded into the American conscience as unspeakable tragedies which claimed the lives of almost three thousand people.

As I watched the gruesome video of people jumping out of burning towers, I wondered how many people who died in these terrorist attacks heard the Good News about how much Jesus loves them; of a life full of purpose and meaning when lived for and with Christ? How many of their loved ones have the same kind of hope I have about where Lois is today?

Jesus, the Christ, the son of the Living God, gave us two uncomplicated responsibilities: (1) Love the Lord with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength and start by loving your neighbor as much as you love yourself. (2) Go make disciples teaching them everything Jesus taught us; baptizing them as a sign of the new creation at work.

How are we doing? Is the church functioning correctly? Is the Body of Christ reaching out to others in expressions of genuine love, care, and acceptance? Are we feeding the hungry? Coming alongside single parents? Do our neighbors and co-workers see the authentic truth at work in us through our actions?

The church isn’t perfect because we are not perfect people. There will be power players, private agendas, people trying to build their own little kingdoms, leaders who say things they don’t mean, pastors who get mad, delegates who stuff ballot boxes . . . We need to humbly admit our sin and short comings and get on with the task of reaching out to people who are desperate for hope.

For the past three years I’ve written about my wife on this day; her life, our journey with cancer, and her death on 9-11-09. We had thirty-four years and twenty-six days together and she is missed, but we all celebrate the reality of her presence with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It is my desire to honor her love – her legacy – by giving my all to living out the Great Commission through an unwavering commitment to the Great Commandment.

Will your life go on as usual tomorrow?

Every once in a while we find ourselves stuck.

My aunt, who is 80 and a widow, recently went after her trash can which had blown into the adjoining field. There was a lot of rain with the wind and the field was muddy; a lot muddier than she anticipated. Her feet got stuck in the muck and she lost her balance and her shoes came off as she fell. Covered in mud, carrying her shoes and dragging her trash can, she made her way back to the house. Must’ve been quite a sight.

When she called and told me what happened she described the mud as if it had a personality and tried to capture her – especially her shoes and feet. She laughed and I laughed with her –  but being stuck in the muck really isn’t funny.

It would be too easy to just sit down in the mud right now; it seems as if we’re surrounded by the “muck” of bombings, train wrecks, tornados, destruction, and disaster.

Our human nature compels us to “take action,” to attempt to explain the evil, give reasons for the destruction, and claim God’s judgment for sin. Instead, it is our responsibility to “be careful how we live” and “be filled with the Spirit.” It takes a great deal of self-control and self discipline to avoid getting stuck in the muck of this world.

Paul writes this to the church at Ephesus: “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16)

“Paul calls for a dual imperative: ‘Be very careful how you live’ and ‘Be filled with the Spirit.’ The responsibility for being wise and making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil, belongs to the believer.”

“Any form of spirituality that makes the Christian feel less responsible and separates the experience of the Spirit from personal discipline, determination, and diligence is foreign to the apostle Paul. To be filled with the Spirit causes the believer to embrace the challenge of ordinary life, not avoid it.” (Webster: The Christ Letter, p137-138)

We are not responsible to explain why a tornado wipes out an elementary school and erases a subdivision; we are to “be filled with the Spirit.” Such a filling enables us to step into the suffering with those who have lost, to give sacrificially, to pray, to love others in the name of Jesus.

It would be all too easy to just sit down in the mud and feel sorry for ourselves; allowing the muck of all the world’s disasters to suck us in. But let’s make sure our focus, our attention; our hearts are centered in Christ. “Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Ephesians (5:19-20)

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I highly encourage you to direct monetary gifts to Convoy of Hope, a relief and disaster ministry out of Springfield, MO.

This morning I received a request from a great friend of mine; a pastor I’ve known for almost 20 years. He asked if I knew of any good counselors he might recommend to a couple experiencing difficult times in their marriage. I sent him a list within a couple of minutes but I was plagued by a gnawing sense that more needed to be said. This is what I wrote:

You are an excellent pastor and YOU ARE capable of helping this couple either together or individually.

What they really need is Spiritual Direction – not therapy. And you are more than qualified to provide Spiritual Direction!

• You can show them how to pray the Psalms – especially the Psalms crying out to God for help.
• You can carefully listen to them and sensitively pray with them.
• You could work through a book with them. Here are some suggestions:

            As for Me and My House – Walter Wangerin

            Mystery of Marriage – Mike Mason

            Loving Each Other – Gary Smalley

            Love & Respect – Emerson Eggerichs

            Choosing to Forgive Workbook – Frank Minirth

            Soulcraft – Douglas Webster

• You can ask lots of questions – penetrating questions that require much more than a “yes” or “no” and wait for them to reply.
• You could even give them homework.

I trust I’ve not burdened you but I will repeat: You are a wonderful pastor and you could speak wisdom, mercy and grace into these lives.

The text arrived on my phone about 3 this Monday afternoon and read: “So where was God when the bombs went off in Boston?”

In God’s Word we find many accounts of atrocities like the brutal terrorist attack at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. Exactly why does Scripture include these horrific stories? Shouldn’t the story of God be full of good, nice, peaceful people living in complete harmony?

We live in a world that since the beginning has been marked by sin – the willful rejection of God at the center. Instead we strive to be in control, to “have it my way.” The cumulative effects of generational rejection of God and the selfish demand to be in charge has resulted in escalating violence, relationship failures, substance abuse, entitlements, empire building, – and the list could go on. This afternoon we witnessed the consequences of living in a broken world: horrific bloodshed perpetrated by humans against other humans all made in God’s image. But God was there.

God does not ignore the results of sin. He’s not a bystander nor is he too busy to be bothered. The Easter story, which we just celebrated a couple of weeks ago, is ultimately the account of God stepping into our suffering. He does not leave us alone but enters into the pain, confusion, and grief with us. Jesus lived on this earth. Jesus suffered extreme poverty. Jesus experienced prejudice, rejection, and death. We are not alone.

The Sons of Korah were the sacred song writers of Israel’s golden age who recognized the presence of God in the middle of trouble. In Psalm 46 their lyrics include: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”

God is always present – never absent. He joins us in our suffering.

Where was God when the bombs when exploded? Right there in the middle of broken bones, sheared-off limbs, bloodied faces, and shredded skin. Right there with common people who took off their shirts and belts and jackets to stem the flow of blood. Right there with the first responders and EMT professionals. Even as I write this, God is in the surgical suites, hospital rooms, and funeral director’s offices. He has not abandoned us.

“The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.” Ps 46:11

I grew up in church and Easter was always a very important celebration; a time where everyone in the family had responsibilities along with new clothes. I can think of only seven Easters since I was 9 yrs old where I didn’t serve in some way; wave a palm branch, run a sound system, be a greeter or an usher, speak, etc.

I also admit there are way too many years when, on the day after, life resumed as if nothing changed. Life goes on. Next up? Mother’s Day.

For many so-called Christ Followers, the Resurrection seems to make little difference. Monday morning means the return to work, school, chores, and routine with very little thought about the transforming truth that Jesus Lives!

The King of Time, the Master of the Universe, the Once-for-all Sacrificial Lamb LIVES!

By the power of the Holy Spirit, that Resurrection Reality is alive in you and me. The problems, pain, and history of the past which plague us should pale in the blazing light of Jesus in us!

We cannot ignore the Resurrection nor can we afford to celebrate Easter and then live as if it’s not true! And may God forgive us for the times when we have simply gone through the empty, meaningless motions of tradition without truth.

Christ Lives! This reality calls us to evaluate how we spend our time and money, how we use our gifts and abilities, how we conduct relationships, and how we love and reach out to those who are far from God.

Some media outlets are pretending outrage that Google chose to acknowledge Hugo Chavez yesterday rather than Jesus. Why would we be surprised? Most church-goers have ignored the reality of Easter on the Monday after.

I don’t want that to be true of me.

Jesus is alive!

The grave is empty!

For eleven years I served a church located across the road from a cemetery. I have a very clear memory of one Easter morning when, after the sunrise service, the church was full of people enjoying breakfast together but I needed some alone time – to pray and prepare for the soon-to-begin worship service. I decided to go for a walk through the cemetery; something I did quite often but this was the first (and only) time I did it on Easter morning.

Some of the grave markers dated back to 1869 and were barely legible; others were new with graphics depicting tractors and even pictures. However, every tombstone was a sign that someone died and was buried.

One usually associates cemeteries with grief, loss, and sadness but that Easter morning I was filled with joy and praise as I was reminded that caskets and graves and headstones cannot contain the lives they memorialize. For Christ-followers, death is not the end but the beginning of life the way God intended it to be lived from the creation of the earth!

Because God raised Jesus from the dead, our graves, too, will one day be empty! “The body that is sown (buried) is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body.” 1 Cor 15:42-44

This is the power of the empty tomb that once held Jesus! This is the hope we have because of His resurrection!

“Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed – in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.” 1 Cor 15:51-52

Doubt, discouragement, delusion, difficulty, disappointment, disease, desolation, despair, deceit, denial, drought, division, dejection, disbelief, devastation, and destruction. 

Jesus said, “It is finished!”

Darkness. Death. Done.

“Now, brothers and sisters, I know that you acted in ignorance, as did your leaders. But this is how God fulfilled what he had foretold through all the prophets, saying that his Messiah would suffer. Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord…” (Acts 3:17-19).

I am concerned. My comments about marriage have wounded people I care deeply about. That was/is not my intent. Obviously, I have used words which communicate my passion for the subject and somehow those words have caused hurt. Please forgive me.

After several phone calls and emails I’ve come to understand that my second post came across as defensive which is exactly what I did not want. I take full responsibility.

With a great deal of trepidation, prayer for wisdom, and the counsel of others, allow me to attempt to bring as much clarity as possible to muddy water.

I apologize if I in anyway communicated that someone ought to stay in the same home as a violent, abusive spouse. Those situations are terribly destructive and the authorities ought to be contacted and safety achieved immediately. God does not expect a spouse to be in relationship where they or their children are in danger physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

I apologize for not properly and clearly defining the term “marriage” or making it clear that I am mostly writing to pastors and church leaders. If marriage is simply a legal contract between two people then, certainly, there is such a thing as a “bad” contract or marriage. Let’s face it, contracts are based on the rights and responsibilities of the parties involved and are motivated by self-centeredness rather than unconditional love.

However, as followers of Jesus, we enter into marriage as a life-long covenantal relationship between a husband, wife and God. Such a covenant is far more than a legal document. It is holy and goes beyond human legalities to the importance of God’s intent for mutual acceptance, obedience, and faithfulness. A covenant cannot be treated lightly.

Allow me to clarify even further: Even though a couple enters into marriage with the highest value for “holy matrimony” and God’s covenant and seek counsel when conflict and breakdown occur; sometimes the marriage still fails. God’s covenant may make a great difference for how one or both parties are able to manage a difficult situation, and yet still not be enough to preserve the marriage. It is frustrating to all concerned when couples enter into a covenant marriage with the best of intentions only to find, when their mutual brokenness interacts, the situation only grows worse. Sin is alive and flourishes in this broken, fallen world and the evil one is working overtime to destroy marriages and families. Especially among Christ-followers.  (This is not an excuse; just a factual statement.)

I apologize for not being clear from the beginning that one of the frustrations which motivated me to write is I find too many Christians who think running to an attorney and seeking a divorce is the only option when things get tough. Even in the case of extremes like physical violence and abuse, shouldn’t every reasonable option for healing and reconciliation be explored before seeking a divorce?

I also apologize to my many friends and family members who have experienced the tragic pain of divorce. You are not “second class” Christians, and I in no way intended to communicate that kind of detestable attitude. I rejoice with many of you who have found healing and affirmation in a second marriage.

From all the responses, there is a lot more for us to talk about. I intend to do a better job in representing the unconditional love and grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ as we continue this exchange.

I received request to respond to a comment on my recent post, Marriage is Sacred. In case you haven’t looked at the comments, it reads:

“So…when a husband repeatedly rapes and beats his wife, that’s not a “bad marriage” and she should just soldier on with “effort and discipline”? It makes me rage inside knowing you may have given this advice to an abused woman who was looking for help.”

I am frustrated in feeling this reader stopped at what they found offensive. The last point I made was: “Get help.”

The pastors, spiritual directors, counselors, and therapists I know would respond to a situation in which there is physical abuse to immediately protect both individuals from each other. In the past, my wife and I have personally driven women to the local shelter.

However, separation, even for an extended period of time, does not need to result in divorce. God is a god of mercy (He withholds the punishment we deserve) and grace (He gives us what we do not deserve). God immerses us in forgiveness. He forgives murderers, rapists, shoplifters, gossips, and liars. Praise His Name! God restores, renews, revitalizes. No marriage is without hope! GET HELP!

The self-help so popular in our culture DOES NOT WORK. Couples serious about saving a marriage and experiencing the restoration that comes from God’s mercy and grace, must be embraced by the Koinonia (costly fellowship marked by selflessness and sacrifice) found in a genuine Household of Faith. Such restorations take a great deal of time, patience, and prayer and require a substantial amount of work on the part of both parties.

I have personally witnessed the miracle of marriages being restored. Two of those were so twisted and gruesome that if I were to describe them I would be accused of writing fiction. (Maybe those people are reading this and would choose to comment.) But God is faithful and just. He will not abandon us. He loves us. God himself, will restore us and make us strong, firm and steadfast. (see 1 Peter 5:6-10)

There will be those who will refuse to participate in such a process. The sinful nature raises its ugly head and our pride, selfishness, and laziness get in the way of submitting to God. God allows for divorce, but only because of the hardness of hearts – not as an easy escape from difficulty.

One of the great weaknesses of blog posts is to keep them short and readable. I strongly encourage you to get the book, “Soulcraft: How God Shapes Us Through Relationships,” by Doug Webster. Doug’s clear application of Biblical truth in relationships is better than anything I offer.

Finally, this reminder: I am writing to those who “declare with their mouths, ‘Jesus is Lord,” and believe in their hearts that God raised Jesus from the dead.” (Romans 10:9) This does not guarantee marriages will be without any problems or even violence, but such a shared faith does provide a foundation for forgiveness, healing, and restoration.

Today I’ve responded to a couple of phone calls and several emails on issues regarding marriage.  Allow me to address a couple of items with boldness:

Words are important! This foolishness of referring to one’s spouse as “the husband” or “the wife” on Facebook and in conversations must cease. Using “my wife” or “my husband” communicates respect and a deep commitment to the other. The terms we use should differentiate us from those who cheapen marriage by their crass talk.

Ministry is NEVER more important than marriage. A holy vow of matrimony before God and witnesses always takes priority over a call to ministry. There is no grey area. It is straightforward and clear. Your marriage and family are far more important than your ministry. Yes, God expects you to walk away from ministry rather than violate a vow and bring hurt and harm to your spouse and family. (Failure to do so may indicate that ministry has become an idol.)

There is no such thing as a “bad marriage.” A marriage might be difficult but the covenant between a husband and wife and God cannot be bad. By its very nature it is sacred, a trust to be guarded, cultivated, and deeply cared for. That may require a great deal of effort and discipline.

Feelings cannot always be trusted. Lois and I were married for 34 years and 26 days. Did I always “feel” in love? No. But I learned that actions often come before feelings. Our media-saturated culture presents a totally false view of marriage. Base your loving actions toward your spouse on Scripture and models of Christ-centered marriages.

Sexual fulfillment comes from self-control, self-discipline, and self-sacrifice. Always. This is true before marriage, in marriage, and after a marriage ends – either in the death of a spouse or divorce. In other words, sexual fulfillment is not about you.

Get help. Challenges are a natural part of relationships; especially in marriage. When those challenges seem overwhelming, do not hesitate to ask for help. Seeking advice from a counselor and/or spiritual director is not a sign of weakness but of strength and maturity. (If you don’t know where to turn, contact me. I’ll help identify someone in your area within 48 hours.)

Please excuse the harsh tone of these words. It can be blamed on me being tired, frustrated, lonesome for Lois (we would’ve celebrated her 60^th Birthday today), or just cranky – or all of the above! Mostly I am very concerned about the number of marriages under attack and families with unusual stress. Please be assured that I am praying for you!