I grew up in church and Easter was always a very important celebration; a time where everyone in the family had responsibilities along with new clothes. I can think of only seven Easters since I was 9 yrs old where I didn’t serve in some way; wave a palm branch, run a sound system, be a greeter or an usher, speak, etc.

I also admit there are way too many years when, on the day after, life resumed as if nothing changed. Life goes on. Next up? Mother’s Day.

For many so-called Christ Followers, the Resurrection seems to make little difference. Monday morning means the return to work, school, chores, and routine with very little thought about the transforming truth that Jesus Lives!

The King of Time, the Master of the Universe, the Once-for-all Sacrificial Lamb LIVES!

By the power of the Holy Spirit, that Resurrection Reality is alive in you and me. The problems, pain, and history of the past which plague us should pale in the blazing light of Jesus in us!

We cannot ignore the Resurrection nor can we afford to celebrate Easter and then live as if it’s not true! And may God forgive us for the times when we have simply gone through the empty, meaningless motions of tradition without truth.

Christ Lives! This reality calls us to evaluate how we spend our time and money, how we use our gifts and abilities, how we conduct relationships, and how we love and reach out to those who are far from God.

Some media outlets are pretending outrage that Google chose to acknowledge Hugo Chavez yesterday rather than Jesus. Why would we be surprised? Most church-goers have ignored the reality of Easter on the Monday after.

I don’t want that to be true of me.

Jesus is alive!

The grave is empty!

For eleven years I served a church located across the road from a cemetery. I have a very clear memory of one Easter morning when, after the sunrise service, the church was full of people enjoying breakfast together but I needed some alone time – to pray and prepare for the soon-to-begin worship service. I decided to go for a walk through the cemetery; something I did quite often but this was the first (and only) time I did it on Easter morning.

Some of the grave markers dated back to 1869 and were barely legible; others were new with graphics depicting tractors and even pictures. However, every tombstone was a sign that someone died and was buried.

One usually associates cemeteries with grief, loss, and sadness but that Easter morning I was filled with joy and praise as I was reminded that caskets and graves and headstones cannot contain the lives they memorialize. For Christ-followers, death is not the end but the beginning of life the way God intended it to be lived from the creation of the earth!

Because God raised Jesus from the dead, our graves, too, will one day be empty! “The body that is sown (buried) is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body.” 1 Cor 15:42-44

This is the power of the empty tomb that once held Jesus! This is the hope we have because of His resurrection!

“Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed – in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.” 1 Cor 15:51-52

Doubt, discouragement, delusion, difficulty, disappointment, disease, desolation, despair, deceit, denial, drought, division, dejection, disbelief, devastation, and destruction. 

Jesus said, “It is finished!”

Darkness. Death. Done.

“Now, brothers and sisters, I know that you acted in ignorance, as did your leaders. But this is how God fulfilled what he had foretold through all the prophets, saying that his Messiah would suffer. Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord…” (Acts 3:17-19).

I am concerned. My comments about marriage have wounded people I care deeply about. That was/is not my intent. Obviously, I have used words which communicate my passion for the subject and somehow those words have caused hurt. Please forgive me.

After several phone calls and emails I’ve come to understand that my second post came across as defensive which is exactly what I did not want. I take full responsibility.

With a great deal of trepidation, prayer for wisdom, and the counsel of others, allow me to attempt to bring as much clarity as possible to muddy water.

I apologize if I in anyway communicated that someone ought to stay in the same home as a violent, abusive spouse. Those situations are terribly destructive and the authorities ought to be contacted and safety achieved immediately. God does not expect a spouse to be in relationship where they or their children are in danger physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

I apologize for not properly and clearly defining the term “marriage” or making it clear that I am mostly writing to pastors and church leaders. If marriage is simply a legal contract between two people then, certainly, there is such a thing as a “bad” contract or marriage. Let’s face it, contracts are based on the rights and responsibilities of the parties involved and are motivated by self-centeredness rather than unconditional love.

However, as followers of Jesus, we enter into marriage as a life-long covenantal relationship between a husband, wife and God. Such a covenant is far more than a legal document. It is holy and goes beyond human legalities to the importance of God’s intent for mutual acceptance, obedience, and faithfulness. A covenant cannot be treated lightly.

Allow me to clarify even further: Even though a couple enters into marriage with the highest value for “holy matrimony” and God’s covenant and seek counsel when conflict and breakdown occur; sometimes the marriage still fails. God’s covenant may make a great difference for how one or both parties are able to manage a difficult situation, and yet still not be enough to preserve the marriage. It is frustrating to all concerned when couples enter into a covenant marriage with the best of intentions only to find, when their mutual brokenness interacts, the situation only grows worse. Sin is alive and flourishes in this broken, fallen world and the evil one is working overtime to destroy marriages and families. Especially among Christ-followers.  (This is not an excuse; just a factual statement.)

I apologize for not being clear from the beginning that one of the frustrations which motivated me to write is I find too many Christians who think running to an attorney and seeking a divorce is the only option when things get tough. Even in the case of extremes like physical violence and abuse, shouldn’t every reasonable option for healing and reconciliation be explored before seeking a divorce?

I also apologize to my many friends and family members who have experienced the tragic pain of divorce. You are not “second class” Christians, and I in no way intended to communicate that kind of detestable attitude. I rejoice with many of you who have found healing and affirmation in a second marriage.

From all the responses, there is a lot more for us to talk about. I intend to do a better job in representing the unconditional love and grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ as we continue this exchange.

I received request to respond to a comment on my recent post, Marriage is Sacred. In case you haven’t looked at the comments, it reads:

“So…when a husband repeatedly rapes and beats his wife, that’s not a “bad marriage” and she should just soldier on with “effort and discipline”? It makes me rage inside knowing you may have given this advice to an abused woman who was looking for help.”

I am frustrated in feeling this reader stopped at what they found offensive. The last point I made was: “Get help.”

The pastors, spiritual directors, counselors, and therapists I know would respond to a situation in which there is physical abuse to immediately protect both individuals from each other. In the past, my wife and I have personally driven women to the local shelter.

However, separation, even for an extended period of time, does not need to result in divorce. God is a god of mercy (He withholds the punishment we deserve) and grace (He gives us what we do not deserve). God immerses us in forgiveness. He forgives murderers, rapists, shoplifters, gossips, and liars. Praise His Name! God restores, renews, revitalizes. No marriage is without hope! GET HELP!

The self-help so popular in our culture DOES NOT WORK. Couples serious about saving a marriage and experiencing the restoration that comes from God’s mercy and grace, must be embraced by the Koinonia (costly fellowship marked by selflessness and sacrifice) found in a genuine Household of Faith. Such restorations take a great deal of time, patience, and prayer and require a substantial amount of work on the part of both parties.

I have personally witnessed the miracle of marriages being restored. Two of those were so twisted and gruesome that if I were to describe them I would be accused of writing fiction. (Maybe those people are reading this and would choose to comment.) But God is faithful and just. He will not abandon us. He loves us. God himself, will restore us and make us strong, firm and steadfast. (see 1 Peter 5:6-10)

There will be those who will refuse to participate in such a process. The sinful nature raises its ugly head and our pride, selfishness, and laziness get in the way of submitting to God. God allows for divorce, but only because of the hardness of hearts – not as an easy escape from difficulty.

One of the great weaknesses of blog posts is to keep them short and readable. I strongly encourage you to get the book, “Soulcraft: How God Shapes Us Through Relationships,” by Doug Webster. Doug’s clear application of Biblical truth in relationships is better than anything I offer.

Finally, this reminder: I am writing to those who “declare with their mouths, ‘Jesus is Lord,” and believe in their hearts that God raised Jesus from the dead.” (Romans 10:9) This does not guarantee marriages will be without any problems or even violence, but such a shared faith does provide a foundation for forgiveness, healing, and restoration.

Today I’ve responded to a couple of phone calls and several emails on issues regarding marriage.  Allow me to address a couple of items with boldness:

Words are important! This foolishness of referring to one’s spouse as “the husband” or “the wife” on Facebook and in conversations must cease. Using “my wife” or “my husband” communicates respect and a deep commitment to the other. The terms we use should differentiate us from those who cheapen marriage by their crass talk.

Ministry is NEVER more important than marriage. A holy vow of matrimony before God and witnesses always takes priority over a call to ministry. There is no grey area. It is straightforward and clear. Your marriage and family are far more important than your ministry. Yes, God expects you to walk away from ministry rather than violate a vow and bring hurt and harm to your spouse and family. (Failure to do so may indicate that ministry has become an idol.)

There is no such thing as a “bad marriage.” A marriage might be difficult but the covenant between a husband and wife and God cannot be bad. By its very nature it is sacred, a trust to be guarded, cultivated, and deeply cared for. That may require a great deal of effort and discipline.

Feelings cannot always be trusted. Lois and I were married for 34 years and 26 days. Did I always “feel” in love? No. But I learned that actions often come before feelings. Our media-saturated culture presents a totally false view of marriage. Base your loving actions toward your spouse on Scripture and models of Christ-centered marriages.

Sexual fulfillment comes from self-control, self-discipline, and self-sacrifice. Always. This is true before marriage, in marriage, and after a marriage ends – either in the death of a spouse or divorce. In other words, sexual fulfillment is not about you.

Get help. Challenges are a natural part of relationships; especially in marriage. When those challenges seem overwhelming, do not hesitate to ask for help. Seeking advice from a counselor and/or spiritual director is not a sign of weakness but of strength and maturity. (If you don’t know where to turn, contact me. I’ll help identify someone in your area within 48 hours.)

Please excuse the harsh tone of these words. It can be blamed on me being tired, frustrated, lonesome for Lois (we would’ve celebrated her 60^th Birthday today), or just cranky – or all of the above! Mostly I am very concerned about the number of marriages under attack and families with unusual stress. Please be assured that I am praying for you!

My expectations, my hopes, my choices seem so important to me. Even for the Christ-follower the temptation is to list objectives and set schedules that are all about the little trinity – me, myself, and I.

1. Looking back on the past year I recognize that many of my plans were blown away like sand but the ones that survived were formed through prayer, the Word, and trusted advisers. Psalm 33:11 says. “But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.”

2. I am testing all goals, objectives and schedules with God’s Word based on Proverbs 16:9, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” I need to make sure God is in the center – not me.

3. When working on those items which are personal, I keep coming back to Galatians 5:22-26, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” It seems ridiculously obvious that if this fruit is evident in my character, the result will be humility, faithfulness, and obedience. The focus is God’s plans for me not my plans for God.

How does this get fleshed out for ministry?

– Preach the Word – the whole counsel of God from Genesis to Revelation. In most churches 99% of the people who come through the front door are already Believers but 99% of the messages are presentations of salvation. We must preach the Word to produce mature followers of Jesus.

– Model and encourage New Testament fellowship; not just eating a meal together or having pie after the service. Koinonia takes place when we drop our masks, quit playing politics, and actually begin caring for one another.

– Embrace the full experience of celebrating the Lord’s Table. Slow down. Contemplate. Plan at least one entire service centered on Communion.

– Pray; not just for health concerns but for souls, and spiritual direction and discernment. Pray.

– Talk about what God has done in the past month and is doing right in the local church. If those stories don’t move the soul and fill people with awe, some serious examination and tough work needs to be done.

– Practice generosity. First, take care of the pastor and if there is anything left in the bank account give it away. The “rainy day” is here – people in the community are homeless and hungry.

– Go where the people are. Don’t schedule non-worship services at the church building.

– Small group gatherings are essential and while small groups don’t guarantee personal growth there are no documented cases of personal growth without small groups.

Let’s be careful and purposeful in making Christ the center. Practically, this means we look for how to join what God is already doing; participate in His plans and resist the temptation to ask God to bless our plans.

In order to live in this world where self rules and money is god, we must resist the temptation to mount an activist campaign but instead, be patient, endure injustice, and pray urgently that our King Jesus will come soon. This requires our full attention in loving others extravagantly, forgiving freely, and giving resources generously. Then we will be known for what we are FOR not what we are against and our love for each other will prove our love for God.

Do we place our expectations on God? Are we so arrogant to think we can advise Him – tell Him what He ought to do? Could it be that we have convinced ourselves that it’s “OK” to make plans and just assume that God will bless?

James has a harsh warning: Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. James 4:13-16 (NIV)

We continue to learn that God wants all our expectations, all our hopes, and all our plans. He expects us to trust Him for every minute of every day. Totally – nothing held back. We are learning to say, “OK, God, we know our very next breath is in your hands, now take that knowledge and make it a reality in the way we live.”

We will trust God! He is rock-firm and faithful!

When I was beleaguered and bitter, totally consumed by envy,

I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox in your very presence.
I’m still in your presence, but you’ve taken my hand.
You wisely and tenderly lead me, and then you bless me.
You’re all I want in heaven! You’re all I want on earth!
When my skin sags and my bones get brittle, God is rock-firm and faithful.
Look! Those who left you are falling apart!

Deserters, they’ll never be heard from again.
But I’m in the very presence of God— oh, how refreshing it is!
I’ve made Lord God my home. God, I’m telling the world what you do!

Ps 73:21-28 The Message